I love – love – teaching confirmation. Aside from typical middle school stuff – boys
who haven’t learned to settle down and stop poking each other, girls who huddle
in the bathroom mocking/liking the boys, the occasional forgotten assignment or
lost Small Catechism, I’d put these kiddos up against almost any other
confirmation class in the country. When
they decide to be thoughtful and attentive, they really are. They can condemn
heresy (“Who’d want to be a Zwinglian? Is means is!”) or tell you about
righteousness (“believing God not being good”), they ask great, mostly-on-topic
questions, and on the whole, they are really just fabulous.
I love teaching this age, because they’re actually hungry to
learn – because it’s me in the classroom with 6 or 8 or 10 of them, and
sometimes, once in a while, we have a moment where something just “clicks” for
someone, and you can see it. Their eyes
light up, and there’s a second of recognition that this stuff is really real,
and it’s really cool.
I love confirmation because the kids care about one
another. Sure, there’s the requisite
teasing and silliness, but at the end of the night, they’ll remember what was
said an hour ago, and pray for one another.
They’re great.
But I still feel like we’re missing something. I expend a lot of energy trying to tell
parents (and kids) that confirmation is not, not, NOT about checking items off
a to-do list, or earning enough points to “graduate”. Confirmation is not a sacrament, and being
confirmed, or not, doesn’t make you a Christian, or not. I try to plan the whole curriculum, and teach
each class, around the idea that confirmation is about growing closer to God,
about being able to say “yes” to the faith that they’ve been raised in, to “get
it” in some perhaps small, but at least somewhat meaningful, way. Which is why I still have “requirements”. Even though confirmation isn’t about earning the
right to graduate, I’m pretty comfortable saying that if kids aren’t in
worship, if they aren’t learning – and practicing – how to pay attention in
worship, if they aren’t figuring out how to lead devotions for the group, or
taking time to love their neighbors, if they aren’t reflecting on what they’ve
learned in class or worship, then it’s going to be pretty darn hard to have a
substantial relationship with God. We
believe in a God who is incarnational – a God who came down here to earth and was
a real, honest-to-goodness human being.
Who did and said certain specific things. Who calls us into a relationship with him on
the basis of his sacrifice, but who deepens and sustains that relationship over
time by engagement with the means of grace, by a desire to “read, mark, and
inwardly digest” his Word, by living as a follower and disciple of that
God.
This is what I want my kids to get. This is what I want them to know. This is the life I want them to have, even
though none of us do it perfectly, and none of us is without sin. I want them to know that forgiveness of sins,
life, and salvation is for real – those promises at their baptism really did “take”,
but that there’s more to it than that – or that there can be, if they’re
interested, if they’re willing to take seriously the invitation to “draw near
to God, and he will draw near to you.” (James 4:8) But that’s a really big thing. A really. big. thing. I am asking them to try to wrap their hearts
and minds and arms around a salvation, and an entire way of living, that is way
bigger than them, and is unlike anything they have ever encountered. And often, I am the only one nudging them in
this direction.
In common Lutheran parlance, confirmation is about “affirming
your baptism”, “taking over” the faith your parents placed you into at baptism,
“becoming a true adult member of the church”, and other such statements, that
are meant, it seems, to make kids feel like confirmation is important and make
old people feel like all is not lost and young kids today do still believe in
Jesus.
But there are two problems I see with this, the first being that
many of them have no real faith to “take over” or “take charge of” from their
parents. Without being too blunt, a good
number of children baptized in Lutheran churches today are brought to the font
by parents who love them, and who have a vague sense of wanting them to be “good
Christian kids who are nice and go to heaven.”
They bring their kids to church.
Sometimes. On weekends when there’s
not a hockey tournament out-of-town, and the weather’s not too bad, or we didn’t
stay out too late at somebody’s wedding reception. They teach their kids the Lord’s Prayer. Possibly.
Sort of. Most nights. But the Creed? The Ten Commandments? Isn’t
that what confirmation class is for? By
my reckoning, if I spend an hour per week in class with the kids, for two (school)
years, I have spent 72 hours with them. That's three days. Three days may have raised Jesus from the dead, but I can no more teach 8th-graders to grasp the beauty and richness of the
Christian faith in 72 hours than I can instill in them a love for Shakespeare
in 72 hours.
If “church” is an
"extracurricular activity" in a child’s own home – then asking them to “take on
the faith for themselves” after 2 years of confirmation class is like hoping
they’ll one day decorate their spare bedroom the way mom did hers. They might – if they happen to have similar
taste to their mother, and a similar budget, and it reminds them of their mom
and makes them feel warm and fuzzy inside.
Or they might not, you know, because they’re different people. The vast majority of kids who play on hockey
or dance teams will not play in college, and certainly not at the professional
level. If church is no more or less
important in a family than hockey or dance, don’t be surprised when it falls by
the wayside in college, just like other extracurricular activities. So, to recap – we say we’re asking kids to “affirm their baptism” and “take on their
faith”, but in reality, we are – not always, but mostly – starting from scratch
and attempting to convert little baptized pagans.
Second, we ask kids on their confirmation day, to be “adults
in the faith,” or some such thing. But
at the age that most children are confirmed (13-15), they are not adults in any
meaningful sense in any other area of
their lives. These are kids who still
rely on their parents for transportation to the confirmation service
itself. They don’t pay their own cell
phone bill, or buy their own food or clothing.
They are overwhelmed at the thought of having to pick a college and career in
just a few years, and most of them cannot articulate with any degree of
certainty more than the vaguest sense of what they’d like their life to turn
out like. They don’t do their own
laundry, and the vast majority of them, in reasonably functional homes, are
well aware that mom and dad are there to pick them up when they fall…or forget
homework at home…or need money for that new cheer uniform…or forget to walk the
dog…or lock themselves out of the house…or…. Not that this is not a bad thing. We are talking about kids who are 14 years
old. This is not the olden days where
marriage and kids and jobs and full-on adulthood
is right around the corner. But if they
don’t do their own laundry or pack their own lunch or call their own locksmith,
is it really fair to hand their faith over to them and say, “here you go!”
??
Not that faith isn’t important. Of course it is. It’s the most important
thing. Without a doubt. But doesn’t that mean that we should give
kids more support, not less? Doesn’t it mean we should hold their hand a
little longer? Surround them with strong
parental and community “raising in the faith” until later in life? If you don’t learn how to do laundry before
you go to college, you’ll figure it out quick when the bills for new clothes
start piling up, or no one wants to hang out with you because your clothes all
smell like dirty laundry. But if you
haven’t grasped hold of Christ’s promises, if you don’t really know where to
turn when tough stuff happens – well, the situation might devolve more slowly
than a laundry crisis, but it’s long-lasting impacts will be far, far worse,
and likely far more difficult to correct.
One of the problems in western society (and this is a whole
other topic, so I’ll not dive into it too deeply) is that we largely lack “coming
of age” rituals. The biologic
machinations of puberty or the attaining of a particular age used to be cause
for celebration, for “entry into adulthood”; now they are a source of shame and
embarrassment or wild expensive parties that rival weddings. We haven’t the slightest idea how to teach
our kids to be adults out in the real world – certainly not at the tender age
of 14 – and so we settle for telling them that they’re a “real Christian, now”
while ceding them zero control over anything else in their lives.
Obviously there is way more to this than can be fixed in a
day, in a year, in a single confirmation class at a single congregation. There are huge cultural shifts at stake here,
and patience, fortitude, and faithfulness is required on the part of parents,
pastors, and churches. But I wonder if
we need to start by decoupling confirmation from middle/high school, and perhaps
from a formal-program-ending-in-a-special-ceremony altogether. What if we took all the resources – money,
time, people – that we spend on a group of kids who haven’t even fully
developed the executive processing functions of their brains – and transferred
it to campus ministry, or young adult “programming”? What if instead of thinking that kids who can’t even drive themselves to church on
Sunday morning can honestly pledge to “decide for themselves to be faithful
Christians and really believe this stuff and do it and possibly even die for it”,
what if instead of that, we let kids be kids – taught them the basics of the
faith – the Bible, the Catechism, etc – with no “end goal” besides the promises
of God’s Kingdom in sight. What if we,
slowly, over time, taught them what it means to take faith seriously, how to
integrate it into their lives, as their lives change? What if we re-church-ified marriage prep, and
spent as much time with soon-to-be high school or college grads as we do with
pre-marital couples?
What if we stopped pressuring kids to “be adults” about
their religious/theological/philosophical commitments and convictions when most
of their own parents don’t even have that nailed down?
Obviously I don’t have all the answers. I mostly don’t even know where to start. But these are just a few of the things I’ve
been kicking around lately, and I’d love to hear thoughts from others, even as
we pray, “Lord, may everything we do begin with your inspiration, continue with
your help, and reach perfection under your guidance. We ask through Christ our
Lord. Amen.”