And While We're On the Topic...

This whole TSA thing has gotten ridiculously out of control.  I understand wanting to fly safely, and make sure people aren't bringing bombs on board.  But the fact that we now have government employees literally touching the genitals of innocent Americans strikes me as ridiculous.  It frustrates me that Homeland Security and the higher-ups at TSA keep defending this madness as "it makes good sense."  No, it doesn't.  Stop for just a second and think about this objectively.  There are so many reasons why it doesn't make sense.  A lot of people have already said a lot of other really good things on this topic, so I'm going to post some of them here. 

First and foremost, this issue is about enduring the "Enhanced Pat-Down" if you either

• a) opt-out of the Nude-o-Scopes, as they are being referred to, or
• b) "fail" the NoS for some reason.  (A friend of mine "failed" when she accidentally moved her elbow while inside the NoS.)

So, the argument has been made that we should just "go through the scanner."  Well, fine, except for those who accidentally move their elbows, or whatever else.  Also, scientists are not exactly convinced that these things are safe.  I, for one, do not plan on going through the scanner.  I have been exposed to enough radiation in my life.  And we should note that when you have x-rays taken in a doctor's office, they give you the lead to cover up your ovaries, and everybody else gets the hell out of the room.  Doctors do their best to expose you to the least amount of radiation possible.  And yet the TSA just runs around saying, "Oh they're safe, it's like a cell phone."  Not to mention the risks to people who are getting radiation treatment for cancer, are pregnant, or are in any way extra-sensitive to the impact of radiation on their bodies.

So, moving on.  Let's say you've failed the PornoScanner and are now next in line for the Enhanced Patdown.  After you've reminded the TSO to put on clean gloves, you're so busy trying to keep an eye on your MacBook halfway across the checkpoint, that you don't notice until the person is grabbing your crotch.  They literally run their hands up and down the insides of your thighs and then touch you "down there" (and "up there" on the women).  This would be bad enough if it were just outside your clothing, but some people have even noted instances of the officers literally placing their hands between your underwear and your skin and running their hands front to back of a person's (male or female) "junk." 

I personally have made it a point in my life not to let anyone touch me "down there" until I'm married.  Call me an old-fashioned prude, I don't care.  It's a huge deal for me.  Even going to the doctor is a little anxiety-producing.  I don't fly next until the day after Christmas, and I'm already getting a little worked up about this.  I can't imagine what it would be like if I were a rape or sexual assault victim, and the trauma that would be induced by reliving that situation. 

Why I Fly Southwest

Because they "get it."  Look, I'm a capitalist.  I freely defend the right of people to make money, and to run their businesses for the purpose of making money.  But I very much appreciate companies who clearly go out of their way to provide excellent customer service as they go about making money.  It says, "We know you have a choice about who you do business with, and we'd like you to choose us."  And when I receive such excellent customer service, I am likely to return.  I'm biased, but that's Starbucks (95% of the time), and it's also Midas.  And it's Southwest Airlines.

With all this hoo-hah (ahem) over the new Special Bonus Feature Edition "Enhanced Patdowns" and Nude-o-Scopes, I've heard little from the airlines themselves attempting to defend their customers.  The pilots unions are starting to get involved, thank God, but the airlines are strangely silent (at least it seems to me).  But in an article in the Wall Street Journal yesterday, Southwest's senior vice-president of operations, make clear that he's got sympathy for what's going on, and also communicating that there are business impact to this new uh...procedure:

"With people getting partially molested at checkpoints, all that is going to be a real shock for them...TSA will create an issue for us. It's going to slow things down."

But this, this is the best part.  This is customer service.

Southwest will have employees with walkie-talkies at checkpoints to hold airplane departures if passengers are stuck in long lines.

I hate going through the screening procedures at airports already.  It's embarrassing, it's a pain-in-the-rear, it is ridiculously inconsistent across airports, and fliers are rarely treated with common courtesy and respect.  For example, I should be able to watch you open and examine my carry-on items, and they should remain near me at all times, for security's sake.  I may be able to "see" my laptop 10 yards away, but that's not really going to prevent anyone from stealing it.  Further, I should not have to request that you put on clean gloves.  I'm sorry, that's just standard procedure for anyone who wears gloves for any purpose.  If I have to wash my hands just going in and out of a hospital room to visit a patient who I never even touched, you need to change your gloves.  Finally, I am just as deserving of respect as a human being as you are.  I am willing to respect you as the person that has been hired to ensure that my prosthetic leg is not, in fact, a cleverly concealed weapon, if you are willing to respect me as 1) acting in good faith, 2) not deliberately trying to make your job harder or scam the system, and 3) a real human being who is forced into this very personal interaction with a complete stranger. 

Now, going into a screening experience with all-but-certain knowledge that the encounter will be the exact opposite tends to make one a tad nervous and anxious.  Add to that the idea of very long lines during holiday travel, and the very real threat you could miss your flight while standing in that very long line, and now you've got people who are even more nervous and anxious.  What better to give them a small amount of relief than the knowledge that at least the airline they are flying is looking out for them, and won't let them be stranded at a security checkpoint? 

Points to Southwest Airlines.