Year in Review

Yay, more surveys!

1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before? 

Walked a 5K, visited Mt. Rushmore and the SD and ND Badlands, sisters-only road-trip, preached an entire Triduum, went to Montana, took the evil BCP, made a quilt, visited Canada - lots of stuff!

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I did a pretty good job with my "something for myself plan", at least until summer when I was getting ready to move.  Post-move, back in St. Paul, back in school, not so much.  Going to bed at a decent hour and commitment to LOTH, not so much.  For 2012, I love this Yoga for Dummies video, and I want to get serious about doing it more often.  I spend at least an hour screwing around on the internet every day - I need to convert that into actually doing something productive. 

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Hmm...a couple people, not as many as in past years, or who are likely to in the near future.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

No, Deo gratias. 

5. What countries did you visit?

CANADA!!!  (And apparently, I attempted to emigrate there.  Turns out Canada doesn't give out "courtesy" passport stamps - if you want one, you have to complete the entire immigration interview.  Which I and the esteemed author of Life as a Journey were only too happy to do - because, really, what else are you going to do at the Pembina, ND border crossing at 10:00 pm?)

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?

Honestly? I want to get married.  I hope that doesn't come across as desperate and pathetic, but the reality is that I'm tired of doing life "by myself".  The "white devil" has been really good at telling me that's "not spiritual enough" and I'm sick of her, too.  I've gotten better the last few months at being really honest with God, and saying, "You don't appear to be taking this desire away from me - so let's get going here."  Whatever else life (God) might send my way, I'm up for.  I just want to do it with somebody.  Oh, and what else would I like?  More grace for myself - I think that God and other people give me a lot more grace than I give myself, and I need to get better about that.

7. What date(s) from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Am I strange because I don't have "dates etched in my memory"?  The non-approval approval, obviously.  Can't stop thinking about that one.  Dream about it every night.  Fantastic.  What else?  Oh, May 3.  When Pastor Mike said, "Just listen to me tell you that God loves you." Reading the whole Bible in 40 seconds with 4500 of my closest friends.  Oct. 21-23 - the horrific "Dismantling Racism Workshop" followed by a pretty freaking awesome birthday party with some of my favorite people.  Finding out that my (married) 8th-grade algebra teacher was hitting on one of close friends - a total God moment, actually.  Randomly deciding to go to Teddy Roosevelt National Park, with the bestie. 

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Several contenders for this one - surviving Lent, creating a fantastic Good Friday service, surviving 6 credits (7 classes) relatively psychologically intact, (literally) organizing the crap out of my file cabinet, but I think the winner is going to be completing the 5K (and I wasn't even last!). That or the quilt. 

9. What was your biggest failure?

Ugh, so many.  I really did let the White Devil hog-tie me into dysfunction for a significant amount of time this year.  Approval.  Not keeping in touch as well as I should - emails, phone calls, texts, FB messages. 

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Endo!  Suffering for years, finally doing something about it.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Geez, I don't know.  I didn't "buy" all that much - at least, all that much that's interesting.  Gas and plane tickets for some great trips, I guess.  Canada, Mt. Rushmore, Badlands, DC

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Mer - for just simply being the best; Lynn - for always being up for a West Wing and dark chocolate marathon and bribing me with the rare North Dakota Starbucks to get approval crap done; my sis - for crazy roadtrips, obsessing over Casey Anthony with me, and saying "why the hell are you taking a drug that is the focus of an ongoing class-action lawsuit?"; Erin - for telling me when I'm crazy and snapping me back to reality; Will - for being the best co-HR ever and a really great listener; the inestimable Katie E - for giving really amazing hugs and visiting me until 3 am; Dr. Jacobsen - for being one of the few people to actually listen; President Bliese - for his general awesomeness; Dr. Reno - for writing me a rec letter; and at least 30 more people who I think are wonderful but this list is getting really long - if you did something that you think (or hoped) "merited celebration" in my life, count yourself celebrated.  (Either that, or demand to be celebrated in your own dedicated blog post next year!)  I love my friends and family. 

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? 

H--- M--- and P------ S----.  Everybody and everything else is way down-ballot this year.  It was that kind of semester.

14. Where did most of your money go?

School...again...

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Canada!  Mt. Rushmore!  Having friends at and near school - Susan, Luke, Molly, Katie, Kellie.  I mean, really, I was terrified that I was going to come back from internship and literally not have any friends (many of my besties from seminary are themselves on internship this year).  The fact that I do means those people are awesome, and God is awesome. 

16. What song will always remind you of 2011?

How Many Kings by downhere

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. Happier or sadder? Different..happier, I suppose. 

ii. Thinner or fatter? Pretty much the same...and there's a 2012 goal...

iii. Richer or poorer? Poorer. Earning actual dollars on internship was awesome.  Spending them all on school again...not so much...

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Reading, I suppose.  It's hard for me to read when I don't have anyone to discuss it with, which is what made it hard to read in ND.  I wish I had spent more time just...savoring...ND...

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Goofing off on the internet/FB.  I really need to work on this.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? 

I was at my parents', with the fam.  Mom, dad, sister.  Good times.

21. How will you be spending New Year's Eve? 

Hanging out with the Churchstock crew.  This seems to be becoming a tradition, which is fine by me.

22. Did you fall in love in 2011? 

Apparently not...

23. How many one-night stands? 

Nada...this answer never seems to change from year to year...

24. What was your favorite TV program? 

Hawaii Five-O, Big Bang Theory, Burn Notice

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

Does it sound overly pious and gag-me-with-a-Christian to say, "I don't know that I really hate anyone, people just tick me off" ??

26. What was the best book you read? 

Uncle Tom's Cabin.  Without a doubt.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? 

Matt Maher

28. What did you want and get?

Hmm...to kick my butt into gear academically, to be HR, lots of traveling, and - oh yes - FRIENDS!!!

29. What did you want and not get? 

So many things...

30. What was your favorite film of this year? 

Seriously, I saw like one movie in ND.  I wonder what it was...  Hop, that was adorable.  Oh, The King's Speech, which I guess came out in 2010, but I didn't see it until 2011.  Fan-freaking-tastic.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 

I turned 30 (!!!!), and threw myself a Non-Racist Birthday Party with sweet potato fries and fabulous friends.  Food, drinks, Apples to Apples, music, singing, hugs, and all manner of goodness abounded.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? 

Hmm...anyway...

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011? 

Finally succumbed to the stretchy jeans, since apparently no one on the planet makes 100% cotton jeans anymore.  Learning to accessorize.  I'm going to be a hot PhD student.

34. What kept you sane? 

In the backwoods of NoDak - Facebook.  Back at school - friends, some of whom I think we were clinging to each other by our fingernails, supporting each other with what appears to have been a divinely-appointed rotating schedule of faith and sanity. 

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? 

Walt Brueggeman, Archbishop Chaput, Tony Campana, The Newt, Matt Maher

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

Hmm...currently it's ballot access requirements in Virginia, but that's incredibly nerdy.  TSA crap.  Oh right, the Wisconsin legislature finding it acceptable to just...not go to work. Babies.

37. Who did you miss? 

Um, basically everyone. 

38. Who was the best new person you met? 

My ridiculously awesome co-Head Resident.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011: 

Being introverted does not necessarily mean that isolation is a suitable life choice.  You know when something is wrong with your body.  God. Is. Faithful.  Even when it doesn't feel like it.  At all.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
"Turn Around" by Matt Maher

If you're scared that you don't matter
If you're lost and need to be found
If you're looking for a Savior
All you gotta do is turn around

2011 Books

Ooh, I love surveys!

How many books read in 2011?
Gosh, I really don't know because I don't keep track like that. Probably 25-30. 

Fiction/Non-Fiction ratio?
Almost all non-fiction.  Well...probably about 5 fiction, and the rest non-fiction.

Male/Female authors?
Definitely more male.  At least four female, maybe a couple that I'm forgetting.  

Favorite book read?
Uncle Tom's Cabin

Least favorite?
Proverbs to Ashes

Oldest book read?
Athanasius' On the Incarnation, apparently written in 318 A.D.

Longest book title?
Wedding Feast of the Lamb: Eucharistic Theology from a Biblical, Historical, and Systematic Perspective

Shortest book title?
I think Uncle Tom's Cabin, Proverbs to Ashes, and On the Incarnation all tie at 3 words each.

How many re-reads?
2- On the Incarnation, From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler

Most books read by one author this year?
Hmm....I rather doubt I have any multiples.  N.T. Wright, if anyone.

Any in translation?
Several, but I couldn't identify them all.  Mostly textbooks for class.  A Key to the Doctrine of the Eucharist was a translation, the excerpts from Jungel.  Obviously On the Incarnation.  

How many books were borrowed from the library?
Very few, if any.

Name a book you've read this year which was recommended by a blogger?
Orthodoxy, by G.K. Chesterton.

Law and Gospel 2.0

Aaand...just like that, I'm a believer in the "law and gospel dialectic", the "fruitful prejudice", if you will.  I've been taking a class on this very hermeneutic of life and Scripture, and the whole time, I've been a little...underwhelmed (as I mentioned here).  It just seems so black and white, like "this" is law, and "that" is gospel.  This person needs to hear "the law", that person needs to hear "the gospel". It seems kind of artificial and non-relational - not the kind of thing a God who loves us and made a covenant with us uses to get our attention.  What parent do you know that says, "my oldest child needs some law today, and my youngest needs a little gospel" ??  Of course not.

But then last week, I was asked about what I would say to someone who has an apparently perfect life, and is wondering why he needs Jesus.  I failed miserably, although that's neither here nor there.  But the whole time I was trying to respond to the questions, I was thinking, "there's got to be something wrong with this guy's life, he's just not willing to admit it."  I wasn't thinking in specifically law/gospel categories, but I was just so frustrated by this hypothetical "man with the perfect life" who kept insisting that I tell him why he needed Jesus, but at the same time insisting that he had no need of Jesus because he had a perfect life.

So, imagine my surprise to hear that my miserable failure in this regard constituted a "failure to articulate the heart of the gospel".  I didn't understand.  "That's what you wanted me to do?" I kept thinking.  "Why didn't you just say so?"  But now that I've had more time to think about it, I realize - I couldn't articulate the heart of the gospel because this man doesn't need it.  He's right - if his life is perfect, he doesn't need Jesus.  Now, my life isn't perfect, and that's why I need Jesus.  And frankly, I've never met anyone whose life is perfect, and that's why we all need Jesus - to come heal the non-perfect parts of our life, which, when you get right down to it, is actually all the parts of our life.  But I suppose if someone actually did have a perfect life, then he would have no need of Jesus - of the gospel.

Somebody who thinks he has a perfect life needs to hear the law, not the gospel.  "Your sins are forgiven" or "Jesus loves you" or "You're welcome here" or "the promise of heaven" or whatever your particular idea of "the heart of the gospel" is, isn't worth a hill of beans to someone who doesn't believe himself to be a sinner, unloved, excluded, or afraid of death.  "Those who are well have no need of a physician", and all.  Only when the law - the sickness of life in this world - hits you - wow, I screwed up; I'm terrible and no one loves me; I'm so lonely; I don't want to die - is the gospel sweet and beautiful.  Otherwise, it's just meaningless platitudes. 

But perhaps that's just me.

Discuss.

Health Update

Surgery scheduled for January 27th.  Yay!

I mean...who wants to have surgery, right?  But...BC is clearly not an option for me, and the opposite of that, Lupron (take away ALL your hormones for 3-6 months and then slowly add them back in) sounds like an even worse idea.

So, general anesthesia, dive right in there and take a look at the stuff (since it doesn't show up on ultrasound, MR, or CT).  Laser off what is possible.  And go from there. 

My mom's coming to take care of me - excellent, totally what moms are for - and I've managed to schedule it when I still have another 10 days or so off from class before spring semester starts. 

Not super exciting, but at this point, if it gets rid of this pain, then I'm all for it.  Let's go.  45 days and counting.